A little pregnancy humor....

Pregnancy Jokes

Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.

Q. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes high school.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A. Childbirth.

Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A. So what's your question?

Q. What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

Q. How long is the average woman in labor?
A. Whatever she says, divided by two.

Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q. What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning?
A. It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.

Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.

Q. Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.

Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.

Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

Q. What are the terrible twos?
A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.

Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A. When you see teeth marks.

Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.

Week 12

Wow...this makes me 3 months along. A third of the way done! :) this week has gone by so much better than last week. Lots of laziness in our house this week!

Week 11

Back side of baby

Baby as it was rolling over...

Week 11 was a little bit scary. Last week I woke up normally to go to work, and went to the bathroom and realized I had started bleeding when I went to the bathroom, and I was also having really bad cramps. I immediately went to the hospital. Once I got to the hospital, they put the thing on my stomach that lets you hear if the baby's heartbeat was there...IT WAS! Luckily! That was such a relief. Then the doctor came in to do an ultrasound to figure out why I was bleeding. Looking at the ultrasound, the baby was completely fine! It was in my tummy moving all around, you could even see it's little hands and feet moving. The doctor said I had subchoronic hemmorhaging, which is where my placenta was moving away from my uterus and causing me to bleed. The doctor said there was nothing that could be done earlier than 20 weeks (after 20 weeks they might be able to sew it up) but get a lot of bed rest and not do ANYTHING. So I sat home for two days last week and all weekend. I went back into the doctor on Monday and they did another ultrasound. Again, saw the baby, everything looked good, and my little problem had gone away! :) Best news ever!! The baby was sleeping during this ultrasound, the pictures above are from the second ultrasound. The nurse sort of got the baby to start rolling over, but not very good pics were taken. :( Week 11 sucked for Brandon's family a little bit too, poor little Lily had to go to the hospital as well and have her tonsils taken out. We went up to the hospital yesterday after our doctor appointment to see her, and she was in quite a bit of pain. Poor baby girl. She's doing better today though, home finally!

So that was Week 11, hopefully Week 12 is so much better for everyone!

Week 10!

10 down, about 28 more to go..

Nothing has really changed too much this week, I am starting to get a massive baby bump though! Can't suck it in anymore :( lol. Oh well though, all worth it in the end! All I really have to post this week, is I am SO SO thankful for Brandon and my beautiful little boy. Life has been so amazing for me this past year, I couldn't ask for a SWEETER and SEXIER boyfriend. He's the BEST!

The Stats

Weight gain: Haven't checked this week, probably around 6 lbs. 

Cravings: Toast with peanut butter and jelly!

Symptoms: Tiredness.

Things to avoid:  unhealthy foods still....

WEEK 9!

I start Week 9 of pregnancy today! :) However, this week has been CRAPPY. I have NOT felt good, at all. Throwing up, and I've had a nasty cold. Hopefully this week is better. I've noticed I'm up about 6 lbs now, NOT HAPPY about that. I am really focusing on eating super super healthy from now on. Before I was pregnant, I was able to eat just about anything and be able to lose it, and now it's a little bit more of a challenge. Ughhh. Being pregnant really does suck! It's a love/hate issue, that's for sure.

Another thing, Brandon went and bought us one of those baby gender prediction tests that you pee on, and it said we are having a boy! Who knows how accurate they are, but he said he knows a few people that it worked for. Guess we will see, 50/50 chance! :)

This week we also got Christian's room set up downstairs. He LOVES it! He got new 49ers bedding for Christmas (49ers are his FAVORITE team, if I had my way, he would be a Charger's fan. But this way him and Brandon have a HUGE common interest). I think he also likes being downstairs too, that's his domain. It's where his toys and X-Box are set up, so hopefully he stays liking it. Now I can start getting baby stuff put in the bedroom upstairs now too. :)

The Stats

Weight gain: 5 lbs

Cravings: Bagels & cream cheese, toast, baby oranges, Special K with bananas

Symptoms: Nausea and throwing up.

Things to avoid:  ANY AND ALL unhealthy foods. Makes me bloated....bad! 

Christian's New Room!